January 8th, 1917
Received by James Padgett
I am here, B ____, and I want to say a word. The Indian tried to stop me, but your wife said let him write, and I am doing so.
Well, I am still in hell, and suffering, and I wish that I could die again, but I cannot and will have to stand it. I can’t even be deaf (was very deaf when he lived in the flesh) so that I might escape some of my torments, for I am surrounded by the most hellish beings you can imagine, and I have to listen to them. It is no use trying to fight, for I can’t hurt anybody, and they became more annoying when I did try to punch one of them.
It is awful, and so I regret that I did not listen and try to understand what the Doctor so often told me when on earth, but now it is too late. I often hear what he says to you now in your conversations, but for some reason I can’t quite understand, and besides, if I did, these damned ugly spirits would knock all the understanding out of me. It is hard to learn what you call Heavenly Things in hell, and I am so unhappy and see no way to relief.
The Doctor’s father talked to me and told me some things that were like what the Doctor told me, and I felt better when he was telling me, and some hope came to me, but when I got back into my hell and saw all the horrors and the shrieking, ugly spirits, I forgot, and the hell feelings came to me again, and I suffered.
Oh, if I could only find some relief from these torments!
Well, I will try again, for I know that Mr. Stone is kind and wants to help me, but my trouble is, that I doubt if he can, but I will go as you advise and try to believe that he can. I am very thankful to you and the Doctor and will try to hope. Anything to get out of this place and away from these devils.
Your wife says I must stop.
So good night.