December 5th, 1915.
Received by James Padgett
I am here, St. Paul.
Well, my brother, I was with you at the discourse on the “Drama of St. Paul,” and was much interested in the subject matter, and also in the manner in which the speaker delivered his discourse. He was somewhat dramatic himself, and his elocution and intonation of the dialogues between several of the prominent personages in the drama and myself were very effective; but really they, the intonations, did not sound very familiar, because to me they possessed too much artificiality to represent correctly the real tones of voice and the feelings that possessed these persons and myself on those occasions. But, nevertheless, they were very effective, and I have no doubt, produced on the hearers the effect intended.
Some of the scenes depicted were very real, and some of them were not, for they never occurred.
I well remember my experience on the way to Damascus, and the great change that it caused to my whole existence on earth. The brightness, and the voice of Jesus were actualities, but the statement that I went blind is not true, for I was not blind but only affected for the time by the unusual light, and also the shock that the voice of Jesus caused. As Jesus said, my only blindness was that which covered my spiritual eyes at the time, and when I went into the town, the only blindness that I recovered from, in a way, was that which had kept my soul in darkness, and caused me to persecute the followers of Jesus, under the belief that I was doing the work which God had called me to do. So you see, that while the description as a whole of my life after my call was very interesting, yet it was not altogether correct.
Jesus has told you what my condition of soul development was, and how I lacked the Love which I afterwards, to some degree, possessed. And as he says, I was in my early ministry more of an intellectual Christian, than a Christian possessing the Great Divine Love of the Father; yet thanks to him I continued to preach, and believed as best I could, until finally I became a redeemed child of God, filled with His Love.
I knew many things connected with and taught in the theology of the Jews, and especially of the Pharisees. I see now that in my writings, my conceptions of the truths of God were flavored, to a considerable extent, by this knowledge which are of the Jewish theology.
While many things that I taught are true as I now see them, yet many things that the Bible says I wrote are not true, and I am not surprised that men will not accept them at this time. How I wish that I could review and rewrite the Epistles ascribed to me. How many seeming contradictions and unreasonable things would be made plain. But I cannot, except as I may through you declare the truth as I now see it; and I hope that the opportunities may come that I may do so.
Well, I will not write more to night as you have written considerable, and others wish to write. I will say good night.
Your brother in Christ,